4 Mar 2017
For years I’ve lived my life guided by the reins of safety. Security served as the north star when navigating the uncharted – and often treacherous – waters of life. It felt like the right thing to do.
And it killed my desires.
I’m not saying that I should be living a perilous life, always on the edge of life and death moments. Fear is there for a reason – to protect us from danger. But, after 37 years of life, I have come to the realisation that a life lived out for safety’s sake is only about prolonging existence, not about living life. It alienates me from my desires, and I end up living like a seed that remains enclosed in its seed coat out of fear of what might happen to the seedling the moment it sprouts.
At the same time, opening myself up to my desires feels scary – because a desire is wanting what has not yet happened, and so it is unknown. And the unknown breeds insecurity, which wreaks havoc in Safety’s Garden of Eden. Desires are like Zeus’ lightning bolts falling randomly on the surface of the earth, lighting it up with fire.
What will my desires do to my relationships? How will they impact my work and lifestyle? What will happen to my established identity? How will others perceive me? Will my physical life be endangered?
No wonder it is easier to curtail our desires, to dilute them. Because unleashing our desires might bring about a catastrophe – which in Greek means “turning things upside down”.
Yet, desires are what drives us forward. They push to sprout, despite the fear – and in sprouting they transform us. What kind of life would it be without them?